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[Claire] Kids, breakfast!

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Kids? [Sighs] Phil, would you get them? [Video Game Sounds]

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Yeah. Just a sec.

4

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That is- Okay.

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Kids? Get down here!

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Why are you guys yelling at us when we're way upstairs?

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Just text me.

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All right. That's not gonna happen.

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And, wow! You're not wearing that outfit.

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What's wrong with it?

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Honey, do you have anything to say to your daughter... about her skirt?

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Sorry.

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Oh, yeah. That looks really cute, sweetheart. - Thanks.

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No. It's way too short.

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People know you're a girl.

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You don't need to prove it to them.

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Luke got his head stuck in the banister again.

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I got it.

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Where's the baby oil?

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It's on our bedside table

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I don't know. Find it.

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Come on!

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I was out of control growing up.

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There, you know? I said it.

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I-I just don't want my kids... to make the same bad mistakes I made.

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I-If Haley never wakes up on a beach in Florida, half-naked,

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I've done my job. Our job. Right. I've done our job.

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징Vamos, Manny! Kick it! Kick it!

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Don't let him- Kick it!

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Manny, go! 징A la derecha! 징A la derecha!

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No! No, no.

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He tripped him, Jay.

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Where's the penalty?

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Gloria, they're 0 and 6.

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Let's take it down a notch.

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[Chuckles] We're very different.

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Jay's from the city.

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He has a big business.

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I come from a small village.

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Very poor but very, very beautiful.

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It's the number one village in all Colombia for all the-

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What's the word?

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Murders. Yes. The murders.

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Manny, stop him!

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Stop him! You can do it!

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[Boy] Damn it, Manny!

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Come on, Coach. You gotta take that kid out.

48

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You wanna take him out?

49

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How about I take you out?

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Honey, honey. - Why don't you worry about your son?

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He spent the first half with his hand in his pants!

52

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I've wanted to tell her off for the last six weeks.

53

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I'm Josh. Ryan's dad.

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Hi, I'm Gloria Pritchett. Manny's mother.

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Oh, and this must be your dad. - Her dad?

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Yeah. No, no. That's funny.

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Actually, no, I'm her husband.

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Don't be fooled by the, uh-

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Give me a second here.

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Who is a good girl? Who's that?

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Oh, she's adorable. - Oh, thank you.

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Hi, precious. Hello.

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[Blows Raspberry] Hi. Hi.

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Uh, we just, uh- We just adopted her from Vietnam.

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And we're bringing her home for the first time, huh?

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She's an angel.

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You and your wife must be thrilled.

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Sorry, sorry, sorry. Daddy needed snacks.

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[Grunts] So, what are we talking about?

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Uh, we have been together for- guh, five- five years now?

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And, uh, we just- we decided we really wanted to have a baby.

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So, we had initially asked one of our lesbian friends to be a surrogate, but-

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Then we figured, they're already mean enough.

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Can you imagine one of 'em pregnant? Pregnant, no.

75

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No, thank you. Ick.

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You saw that, right?

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Everybody fawning over Lily,

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and then you walk on and suddenly it's all,

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"Ooh, SkyMall. I gotta buy a motorized tie rack."

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All right, you know, I'm gonna give the speech.

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You are not giving the speech.

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You're gonna be stuck with these people for the next five hours.

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You're right, you're right. Okay. I'm sorry.

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Look at that baby with those cream puffs.

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Okay. Excuse me.

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This baby would have grown up in a crowded orphanage if it wasn't for us "cream puffs."

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And you know what? Note to all of you who judge- Mitchell!

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Hear this.

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Love knows no race, creed/  Mitchell. / Or gender.

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And shame on you, you small-minded, ignorant few- Mitchell.

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Mitchell! What?

92

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[Whispers] She's got the cream puffs.

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We would like to pay for everyone's headsets.

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Buddy. Why do you keep getting stuck like this?

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I thought I could get out this time.

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I'm just gonna say it.

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He needs to be checked by a specialist.

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Ow! There. Be free.

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Excalibur. [Chuckles]

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I'm having a friend over today. Who?

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Uh, you don't know him. Him? Him?

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Ooh, a boy. You gonna kiss him?

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Shut up. - [Phil] Easy. Easy.

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Yeah, shut up! No, you shut up!

105

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Luke, Alex, why don't you take it outside, okay?

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And do what?

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Fight in the sun.

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It'll be a nice change. Haley.

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[Phil] I'm kidding.

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Who's the boy?

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His name is Dylan.

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I might as well tell him not to come...

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because you guys are just going to embarrass me again.

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Sweetie, hang on a second.

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You're 15, and it's the first time you've had a boy over.

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I'm bound to be a little surprised,

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but I'm not gonna embarrass you.

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I better go charge the camcorder.

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I'm kidding. Come on. Who are you talking to?

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I'm the cool dad.

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That's- That's my thing.

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I'm hip.

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I- I surf the Web.

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I text. "LOL"- Laugh out loud. "OMG"- Oh, my God. "WTF"- Why the face?

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Um, you know, I know all the dances to High School Musical, so-

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[Alex] Mom! Dad! [Claire] What happened?

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Luke just shot me!

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I didn't mean to.

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Are you okay? No.

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The little bitch shot me. - [Chuckles]

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Language!

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They're only plastic BBs.

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It was an accident.

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What did I tell you would happen if you got him a gun?

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Deal with this.

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Buddy, uncool.

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That's it? That's- No, no, no, no.

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The agreement was that if he shoots someone, you shoot him.

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We were serious about that? Yes, we were.

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And now you have to follow through.

141

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[Crying] I'm so sorry. - Liar.

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Go.

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He's got a birthday party.

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What's more important here, Dad?

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You can shoot him afterwards.

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He'll be home at 2:00.

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I can't shoot him at 2:00.

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I'm showing a house at 2:00.

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What about 3:00?

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No, he's got a soccer game at 3:00.

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And then- Oh, we gotta leave for that dinner thing at 5:00.

152

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4:15. You could shoot him at 4:15.

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Yeah, I guess that works for me. Oh!

154

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"Shoot Luke." Sorry, dude. It's on the calendar.

155

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Oh, come on!

156

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I'm quitting soccer.

157

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It is a game for children.

158

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No, you're not quitting.

159

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You would have stopped that goal if you weren't staring at that little girl.

160

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She is not a girl. She's a woman.

161

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You know, Gloria, that little blowup with that other mom-

162

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Why do you have to do things like that?

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If somebody says something about my family, I'm going to

164

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I'm just saying.

165

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You could take it down here a little bit.

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That's all.

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Oh, yeah. 'Cause that's where you live, down here.

168

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But I live up here!

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Yeah, but you don't have to be so emotional all the time.

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That's all I'm saying.

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Manny, you're with me on this, right?

172

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I wanna tell Brenda Feldman I love her.

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Oh, for God sakes.

174

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Manny, she's 16.

175

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Oh. It's okay for you to take an older lover?

176

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Hey, watch it.

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I wanna go to the mall where she works.

178

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But first I need to get my white shirt, the silk one.

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Okay. If that's what you really want to do.

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Seriously.

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Not to be the evil stepdad,

182

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but if you put on a puffy white shirt... and declare your love for a 16-year-old,

183

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you're gonna be swinging from the flagpole in your puffy white underpants.

184

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Stop the car.

185

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Oh, where are you going?

186

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See? You hurt his feelings.

187

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Ah- Well, if it toughens him up a little bit then-

188

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Oh, geez. He's picking flowers.

189

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Manny's very passionate, just like his father.

190

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My first husband- he's very handsome, but too crazy.

191

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It seemed like all we did was fight and make love, fight and make love, fight and make love.

192

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One time, I'm not kidding you, we fell out the window together.

193

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[Laughing] Which- Which one were you doing?

194

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I'm hearing this for the first time.

195

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This doesn't worry you?

196

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She barely slept on the plane and she's still wide awake.

197

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Oh, stop worrying. - I can't.

198

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That- That orphanage was all women.

199

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Maybe she just- she can't fall asleep unless she feels a woman's shape.

200

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I guess that's possible.

201

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So here.

202

00:08:20,369 --> 00:08:22,479

What the hell is that supposed to mean?

203

00:08:22,479 --> 00:08:25,808

Yes, I've gained a few extra pounds while we were expecting the baby,

204

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which has been very difficult.

205

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But apparently your body does a nesting, very maternal, primal thing...

206

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where it retains nutrients- some sort of molecular physiology thing.

207

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But that's science.

208

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You can't- You can't fight it, so-

209

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I'm not saying anything.

210

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You're saying everything.

211

00:08:49,773 --> 00:08:53,878

Count to three. One, two- Three. Okay.

212

00:08:53,902 --> 00:08:56,339

Oh, Cam. This is beautiful. Oh, my God. Do you love it?

213

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Yes, I- What the hell is that?

214

00:08:59,950 --> 00:09:01,673

I had Andre do it while we were gone.

215

00:09:01,673 --> 00:09:04,430

Is that us, with wings?

216

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We're floating above her, always there to protect her.

217

00:09:06,915 --> 00:09:08,543

Okay. Well, that's reassuring, right, Lily?

218

00:09:08,543 --> 00:09:10,830

Yes, we tore you away from everything you know,

219

00:09:10,830 --> 00:09:11,996

but don't worry, things are normal here.

220

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Your fathers are floating fairies.

221

00:09:13,607 --> 00:09:17,318

No, can you call Andre, have him paint something a little less gay?

222

00:09:17,342 --> 00:09:20,226

By the way, we need to stop having friends with names like Andre.

223

00:09:21,138 --> 00:09:23,199

Redheaded dad is angry daddy.

224

00:09:21,138 --> 00:09:24,215

No, I'm not. Yes, you are.

225

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Even Pepper pointed it out on the way home from the airport.

226

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Okay, that's another one- Pepper.

227

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Okay, what's up?

228

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All right, look. I-

229

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I- I never told my family we were adopting a baby.

230

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And- I know.

231

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You do? Yeah,

232

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and I don't blame you. I know your family.

233

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You'd tell 'em. They'd say something judgmental.

234

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Exactly. You'd get mad.

235

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I know.

236

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And then something that's supposed to be nothing but joyful... suddenly turns into this huge fight.

237

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And who wants a big, emotional scene like that? Thank you. Thank you.

238

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I'm so- I'm so relieved you understand.

239

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I invited them over for dinner tonight.

240

00:10:01,136 --> 00:10:02,788

What? I had to.

241

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This would have gone on forever.

242

00:10:04,020 --> 00:10:05,241

You're an avoider.

243

00:10:05,265 --> 00:10:09,228

No. No. No. Cam, I'm calling them right now and canceling. / No, you're not.

244

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You're telling your family you adopted a baby, tonight.

245

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And you do have avoidance issues.

246

00:10:13,181 --> 00:10:14,917

Even Longinus said so.

247

00:10:14,941 --> 00:10:20,131

Are- Are you really not hearing these names?

248

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[Doorbell Rings] [Haley] Don't answer it! I'll get it!

249

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Hi. Hey, you must be Dylan. / Hey. Dylan. Yeah.

250

00:10:34,026 --> 00:10:35,266

I'm Haley's mother.

251

00:10:35,266 --> 00:10:36,439

Hey. Mm-hmm.

252

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Come on. Let's go. [Clears Throat] Okay. Um-

253

00:10:38,757 --> 00:10:41,194

Hang on one second. Um- Whoa.

254

00:10:41,218 --> 00:10:46,507

Dylan, you're still in high school? / Yeah, I'm a senior. A senior. /

255

00:10:46,507 --> 00:10:47,200

Okay. Cool.

256

00:10:47,224 --> 00:10:52,205

Hey, Phil. Sweetie. Honey. He is Dylan, and he is a senior.

257

00:10:52,229 --> 00:10:55,041

[Whispers] You have to scare him.

258

00:10:55,065 --> 00:11:04,217

Let me meet this "playa." Phil Dunphy, yo.

259

00:11:04,241 --> 00:11:05,158

It's like that.

260

00:11:05,158 --> 00:11:06,511

You just- You just stare down at 'em,

261

00:11:06,535 --> 00:11:08,763

let the eyes do the work.

262

00:11:08,787 --> 00:11:10,689

Your mouth might be saying, "Hey, we cool,"

263

00:11:10,689 --> 00:11:12,808

but your eyes are like, "No, we not."

264

00:11:12,832 --> 00:11:16,729

"Nice to meet you." "No, it's not."

265

00:11:16,753 --> 00:11:18,439

"It's all good."

266

00:11:23,301 --> 00:11:25,863

Okay, I see you two guys /Wait, wait, wait.

267

00:11:25,887 --> 00:11:31,418

You two- You two keep it real,

268

00:11:31,418 --> 00:11:33,120

know what I mean, son?

269

00:11:33,144 --> 00:11:34,956

Not really.

270

00:11:34,980 --> 00:11:35,969

Please, stop.

271

00:11:35,969 --> 00:11:37,041

That's cool.

272

00:11:37,065 --> 00:11:39,752

Ow. Oh, God! That's my back. Oh, honey. Sweetheart.

273

00:11:39,776 --> 00:11:42,129

Ow! Oh! I slipped in the baby oil.

274

00:11:42,153 --> 00:11:45,424

"Oh, where you from originally?"

275

00:11:45,448 --> 00:11:49,053

"I could defeat you if it came to a physical confrontation."

276

00:11:49,077 --> 00:11:50,742

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! I don't know about this.

277

00:11:50,742 --> 00:11:51,847

Should I call a doctor?

278

00:11:54,708 --> 00:11:57,019

You're very strong, homes. Thanks.

279

00:11:57,043 --> 00:11:59,344

Okay. Nice- Nice soft landing.

280

00:11:59,344 --> 00:11:59,897

There you go.

281

00:11:59,921 --> 00:12:02,441

Okay. I am on my side though. / Okay, let's go. Come on.

282

00:12:02,465 --> 00:12:05,152

So just flip me right back, and we're good. [Sighs]

283

00:12:05,176 --> 00:12:06,988

We'll be good.

284

00:12:07,012 --> 00:12:12,954

I just need to get flipped right on my back, and we should be fine. So-

285

00:12:16,440 --> 00:12:17,799

What is that?

286

00:12:17,799 --> 00:12:19,368

A poem I have written for Brenda Feldman.

287

00:12:19,368 --> 00:12:20,388

Of course it is.

288

00:12:20,388 --> 00:12:24,007

I put my thoughts into words and now my words into action.

289

00:12:24,031 --> 00:12:26,551

Hey, I'll give you 50 bucks not to do this.

290

00:12:26,575 --> 00:12:27,812

I'm 11 years old.

291

00:12:27,812 --> 00:12:29,262

What am I gonna do with money?

292

00:12:29,286 --> 00:12:31,514

What are you gonna do with a 16-year-old?

293

00:12:31,538 --> 00:12:33,727

He's like a bullfighter.

294

00:12:33,727 --> 00:12:36,185

Mmm. You ever see a bullfight?

295

00:12:36,209 --> 00:12:37,505

I can't watch this.

296

00:12:37,505 --> 00:12:39,147

You're in such a bad mood.

297

00:12:39,171 --> 00:12:40,469

And I know why.

298

00:12:40,469 --> 00:12:42,992

It's because that man thought you were my father.

299

00:12:42,992 --> 00:12:44,393

No. Yes.

300

00:12:44,393 --> 00:12:47,488

No. When you say "No" like that, it's always "Yes."

301

00:12:47,512 --> 00:12:48,632

Come on. We're in the mall.

302

00:12:48,632 --> 00:12:50,967

Let's get you, like, some younger clothes.

303

00:12:50,967 --> 00:12:51,938

There's a store there.

304

00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:53,953

I don't need any younger clothes.

305

00:12:53,977 --> 00:12:57,457

And I don't care what some jackass in a pair of ripped jeans thinks about me.

306

00:12:57,481 --> 00:12:59,208

Good. You shouldn't.

307

00:12:59,232 --> 00:13:01,419

You should only care what I think.

308

00:13:01,443 --> 00:13:04,172

I love you, and I don't care how old you are.

309

00:13:04,196 --> 00:13:07,851

So stop being a gloomy goose and stop being so hard on Manny.

310

00:13:07,851 --> 00:13:09,552

The only reason I'm hard on Manny...

311

00:13:09,576 --> 00:13:12,221

is just because I don't wanna see him make a fool of himself.

312

00:13:12,245 --> 00:13:15,308

And I can smell that hair goo of his from here.

313

00:13:15,332 --> 00:13:18,353

Look, I don't know what's gonna happen to him over there.

314

00:13:18,377 --> 00:13:22,148

But you're his family now, and that means only one thing-

315

00:13:22,172 --> 00:13:26,778

You be the wind in his back, not the spit in his face.

316

00:13:26,802 --> 00:13:29,697

What? It's something my mom always says.

317

00:13:29,721 --> 00:13:31,980

It's gorgeous in Spanish.

318

00:13:31,980 --> 00:13:33,615

Look, he's there.

319

00:13:37,646 --> 00:13:39,587

She has a boyfriend.

320

00:13:39,587 --> 00:13:41,876

Oh, I'm sorry, mi ni챰o.

321

00:13:41,900 --> 00:13:43,878

I gave her my heart,

322

00:13:43,902 --> 00:13:47,215

she gave me a picture of me as an old-time sheriff.

323

00:13:48,782 --> 00:13:52,053

That was pretty stupid of me, wasn't it? No, mi amor.

324

00:13:52,077 --> 00:13:55,431

It was brave. Right, Jay? Brave.

325

00:13:55,455 --> 00:13:57,642

W-Well, you'll know better next time.

326

00:13:57,666 --> 00:14:02,105

Come on. Let's get a pretzel.

327

00:14:07,384 --> 00:14:12,678

Uh, excuse me, sir. We ask that all mall-walkers stay to the right.

328

00:14:24,818 --> 00:14:27,672

[Haley] Alex, get out! Mom!

329

00:14:27,696 --> 00:14:29,674

Alex, leave your sister alone.

330

00:14:29,698 --> 00:14:31,667

I was just getting my book. Gosh.

331

00:14:31,667 --> 00:14:35,179

I know, sweetie. But you need to respect their privacy.

332

00:14:35,203 --> 00:14:37,815

What are they doing up there? Nothing.

333

00:14:37,815 --> 00:14:40,977

Lying on her bed, watching a movie.

334

00:14:41,001 --> 00:14:43,563

Okay. Okay.

335

00:14:43,587 --> 00:14:46,136

Um, I'm making a cake for tonight.

336

00:14:46,136 --> 00:14:47,900

You wanna help me with the frosting?

337

00:14:47,924 --> 00:14:49,281

Sure.

338

00:14:49,760 --> 00:14:55,158

So, you know, if Haley got pregnant, would you ever pretend she has mono for a few months,

339

00:14:55,182 --> 00:14:57,994

and then, like, tell everyone the baby's yours?

340

00:14:58,018 --> 00:14:58,767

What?

341

00:14:58,767 --> 00:15:01,305

This senior at school was "out sick" for four months,

342

00:15:01,305 --> 00:15:06,502

but Jenna Resnick swears she saw her breast-feeding at a coin-op car wash.

343

00:15:10,781 --> 00:15:14,130

Buddy, what are you wearing? / Nothing.

344

00:15:14,191 --> 00:15:17,319

Uh-uh. No jacket. One hat.

345

00:15:17,491 --> 00:15:19,891

How many pairs of underwear do you have on?

346

00:15:19,915 --> 00:15:23,728

One. [Sighs] Six.

347

00:15:23,752 --> 00:15:26,689

First of all, it would be really cool to see Haley that fat.

348

00:15:26,713 --> 00:15:30,359

And how awesome would it be to have a fake little brother who's really my nephew.

349

00:15:30,383 --> 00:15:33,154

Haley is not getting pregnant. [Clears Throat]

350

00:15:33,178 --> 00:15:35,156

Just saying "if." I know.

351

00:15:35,180 --> 00:15:37,687

And I know you like to make trouble for your sister,

352

00:15:37,687 --> 00:15:38,951

but it's not gonna work this time.

353

00:15:38,975 --> 00:15:41,913

You know why? 'Cause your sister's a good girl.

354

00:15:41,937 --> 00:15:44,739

I know. I was just like her when I was-

355

00:15:46,024 --> 00:15:48,953

I want you to know, I'm not enjoying this.

356

00:15:48,953 --> 00:15:51,079

But this is an important lesson that you're learning.

357

00:15:51,079 --> 00:15:56,385

So, soak it. Keep it.

358

00:15:56,409 --> 00:15:57,942

You're too close.

359

00:15:57,942 --> 00:15:58,754

It's gonna hurt.

360

00:15:58,754 --> 00:16:00,348

It's supposed to hurt.

361

00:16:00,372 --> 00:16:03,841

And why are you smiling? - I'm- What?

362

00:16:15,554 --> 00:16:18,241

Oh, forget it. I can't do this.

363

00:16:18,265 --> 00:16:19,953

The point is you're scared.

364

00:16:19,953 --> 00:16:21,135

I think you've learned your lesson.

365

00:16:23,937 --> 00:16:26,374

Mom! What are you doing?

366

00:16:26,398 --> 00:16:29,326

Oh, hey! I was just, um, dropping off some laundry.

367

00:16:29,326 --> 00:16:31,170

Is this a bad time? - Yeah.

368

00:16:31,194 --> 00:16:34,507

Oh. Okay.

369

00:16:34,531 --> 00:16:36,375

Uh, can you shut the door, please?

370

00:16:36,375 --> 00:16:39,262

Actually, we're just gonna go ahead and leave that open.

371

00:16:39,286 --> 00:16:40,555

Why?

372

00:16:40,579 --> 00:16:43,641

Because I have, uh, seen this little show before-

373

00:16:43,665 --> 00:16:46,310

lying on the bed with a tall senior.

374

00:16:46,334 --> 00:16:49,012

One minute you're just friends, watching Falcon Crest,

375

00:16:49,012 --> 00:16:51,532

and the next you're lying underneath the air hockey table with your bra in your pocket.

376

00:16:52,757 --> 00:16:54,600

[Whimpering] You hit my bone!

377

00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:55,653

It was an accident!

378

00:16:55,677 --> 00:16:59,064

I thought you were my friend! - I am your friend.

379

00:16:59,064 --> 00:17:01,450

Dad! Dad, Dad. You have got to talk to Mom.

380

00:17:01,474 --> 00:17:04,328

She is, like, completely freaking out and embarrassing me!

381

00:17:04,352 --> 00:17:07,147

Honey, your mom isn't always as cool about things as I am

382

00:17:07,314 --> 00:17:08,875

What is with this thing?

383

00:17:10,652 --> 00:17:16,192

My dad. Uh, my dad still isn't completely comfortable with this.

384

00:17:16,192 --> 00:17:18,123

Um- He-He still does this thing.

385

00:17:18,123 --> 00:17:19,287

It's been five years now.

386

00:17:19,287 --> 00:17:23,474

And he still does this thing where he announces himself... before walking into any room we're in...

387

00:17:23,498 --> 00:17:27,145

just to make sure he doesn't have to ever see us kiss.

388

00:17:27,169 --> 00:17:29,397

Wish my mother had that system.

389

00:17:29,421 --> 00:17:31,733

Remember? Not now.

390

00:17:31,757 --> 00:17:33,985

I still can't believe you did this to me.

391

00:17:34,009 --> 00:17:36,472

Would you get in the spirit of things?

392

00:17:36,472 --> 00:17:37,947

It's a celebration.

393

00:17:40,933 --> 00:17:44,562

Oh, God. - Okay, I'm gonna go get Lily ready.

394

00:17:44,562 --> 00:17:47,648

Okay. And I want you to just come straight out with it.

395

00:17:47,648 --> 00:17:49,401

All right. Okay. You can do this.

396

00:17:49,401 --> 00:17:50,735

Yeah. Sports guy chest bump.

397

00:17:51,610 --> 00:17:54,605

Cam. Oh! All right. Go. Do it. Go.

398

00:18:03,205 --> 00:18:06,083

How are you? Hi, guys. Hey.

399

00:18:06,083 --> 00:18:08,011

That looks good. Oh, thank you. Thanks.

400

00:18:08,011 --> 00:18:08,792

Don't thank us.

401

00:18:08,792 --> 00:18:09,374

Open it.

402

00:18:09,374 --> 00:18:10,654

Dad is coming right behind.

403

00:18:11,388 --> 00:18:12,735

[Jay] Knock, knock! We're here.

404

00:18:12,735 --> 00:18:14,108

Coming in!

405

00:18:14,132 --> 00:18:17,028

Don't worry, Dad. Nothing gay going on here.

406

00:18:17,052 --> 00:18:19,697

May I take your multicolored coat and bejeweled cap?

407

00:18:27,896 --> 00:18:30,917

Oh, what a beautiful dress. Ay, thank you, Phil.

408

00:18:34,403 --> 00:18:37,006

That's how she says "Phil." Not "feel." Phil. Oh.

409

00:18:37,030 --> 00:18:38,601

So how was your trip?

410

00:18:38,601 --> 00:18:39,834

It was good. It was good actually.

411

00:18:39,834 --> 00:18:43,888

But, um, about that, I- I have something that I need to tell you guys.

412

00:18:43,912 --> 00:18:46,565

Um- Uh, we didn't just go to Vietnam for pleasure.

413

00:18:46,565 --> 00:18:49,026

We, uh, kind of have some big news.

414

00:18:49,026 --> 00:18:52,004

Oh, God. If Cam comes out here with boobs, I'm leaving.

415

00:18:52,004 --> 00:18:54,232

[Claire] Dad. - I hope he didn't embarrass you, Mom.

416

00:18:54,256 --> 00:18:57,610

Oh, don't mind her. Haley had her first boy over today...

417

00:18:57,634 --> 00:18:59,246

and Phil shot him.

418

00:19:00,814 --> 00:19:03,574

Anyway, um, so, about- about a year ago,

419

00:19:03,598 --> 00:19:09,021

Cam and I started feeling this longing, you know, for something more, like, uh, maybe a baby?

420

00:19:09,021 --> 00:19:10,601

Ooh, that's a bad idea.

421

00:19:10,601 --> 00:19:11,565

What do you mean, "bad idea"?

422

00:19:11,565 --> 00:19:13,052

Well, kids need a mother.

423

00:19:13,052 --> 00:19:15,277

I mean if you two guys are bored, get a dog.

424

00:19:15,277 --> 00:19:17,054

Okay, we're not bored, Dad.

425

00:19:17,054 --> 00:19:19,507

I support you, Mitchell, even though you're not my son.

426

00:19:19,531 --> 00:19:24,221

I-I-I-I think what Dad is trying to say... is that, Mitchell, you're a little uptight.

427

00:19:24,221 --> 00:19:25,702

Kids bring chaos,

428

00:19:25,702 --> 00:19:28,433

and you don't handle it well.

429

00:19:28,457 --> 00:19:29,595

That's what you're saying.

430

00:19:29,595 --> 00:19:31,602

And it's insulting in a whole different way.

431

00:19:31,626 --> 00:19:34,272

Okay, people. Let's all "chillax."

432

00:19:34,296 --> 00:19:37,108

Hey, where's Uncle Cameron? Thank you. Thank you.

433

00:19:37,132 --> 00:19:40,261

Someone who's not insulting me notices he's not here.

434

00:19:40,261 --> 00:19:42,934

Oh, so that's the big announcement, huh?

435

00:19:42,934 --> 00:19:44,181

You two broke up.

436

00:19:44,181 --> 00:19:46,667

Well- Well, a baby wasn't gonna help that anyway.

437

00:19:46,667 --> 00:19:47,857

And let me tell you.

438

00:19:47,857 --> 00:19:48,476

You're better off,

439

00:19:48,476 --> 00:19:50,004

because he was a bit of a drama queen.

440

00:19:50,004 --> 00:19:51,289

No, no, no. Stop. Stop. No.

441

00:19:51,313 --> 00:19:54,483

You come into my house and you insult me and my boyfriend,

442

00:19:54,483 --> 00:19:56,819

who, by the way, is not that dramatic-

443

00:20:13,201 --> 00:20:16,802

We adopted a baby. Her name is Lily. Oh.

444

00:20:16,880 --> 00:20:18,395

Exciting!

445

00:20:18,395 --> 00:20:19,776

Just turn it off.

446

00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:22,153

I can't turn it off. It's who I am.

447

00:20:22,177 --> 00:20:24,238

The music. Oh, yes, the music. [Chuckles]

448

00:20:24,262 --> 00:20:26,032

?も솵 [Stops] Come say hi to Lily.

449

00:20:26,056 --> 00:20:29,952

Ay, miren a la princesita. The little princess. [Haley] She's so cute!

450

00:20:29,976 --> 00:20:32,313

So cute. Thank you.

451

00:20:32,313 --> 00:20:33,923

[Claire] Let me see her. Let me see her. Let me see her.

452

00:20:33,923 --> 00:20:37,001

Hi there, Lily.

453

00:20:37,025 --> 00:20:39,879

"Lily." Isn't that gonna be hard for her to say? [Haley] So cute.

454

00:20:42,531 --> 00:20:46,302

Okay, I-I-I know that I said I thought this was a bad idea.

455

00:20:46,302 --> 00:20:50,431

But, uh, what do I know?

456

00:20:50,455 --> 00:20:53,017

I mean, it's not like I wrote the book on fatherhood.

457

00:20:53,041 --> 00:20:55,898

Been trying all my life to get it right. I'm still screwing up.

458

00:20:55,898 --> 00:20:58,129

Right, Manny?

459

00:20:58,129 --> 00:20:59,732

I wrote a song about it in the car.

460

00:20:59,756 --> 00:21:02,985

Of course you did. Uh-

461

00:21:03,009 --> 00:21:04,686

Anyway, I'm happy for you.

462

00:21:04,686 --> 00:21:07,073

And, uh, you should know that, uh,

463

00:21:07,097 --> 00:21:09,909

I'm not here to spit in your face,

464

00:21:09,933 --> 00:21:12,829

I'm here to... blow at your back.

465

00:21:12,853 --> 00:21:14,997

I don't understand what that means. I don't-

466

00:21:15,021 --> 00:21:18,376

Well, it's- it's supposed to sound better in Spanish.

467

00:21:22,821 --> 00:21:25,833

Oh, that's beautiful. That's really nice.

468

00:21:25,833 --> 00:21:28,010

And thank you too.

469

00:21:28,034 --> 00:21:30,054

Anyhow, Mitch, uh-

470

00:21:30,078 --> 00:21:32,765

No, Dad, it's- it's- - [Lily Crying]

471

00:21:32,789 --> 00:21:34,318

I got her. I got her.

472

00:21:34,318 --> 00:21:35,140

Oh, she's crying.

473

00:21:35,367 --> 00:21:36,352

She wants her grandpa! She wants her daddy!

474

00:21:36,376 --> 00:21:37,943

Do you wanna meet Grandpa?

475

00:21:37,943 --> 00:21:38,763

What? Are you kidding?

476

00:21:38,763 --> 00:21:40,045

She's one of us now.

477

00:21:40,045 --> 00:21:42,567

Let me see the little pot sticker. [Chuckling]

478

00:21:42,591 --> 00:21:46,112

Hey, you're a cutie, aren't you?

479

00:21:46,136 --> 00:21:49,657

Ah. Look at this. [All Fussing]

480

00:21:49,681 --> 00:21:54,412

[Jay] We're from different worlds, yet we somehow fit together.

481

00:21:54,436 --> 00:21:59,959

Love is what binds us, through fair or stormy weather.

482

00:21:59,983 --> 00:22:02,587

I stand before you now with only one agenda-

483

00:22:02,611 --> 00:22:09,051

"To let you know my heart is yours, Feldman comma Brenda."

484

00:22:09,075 --> 00:22:12,055

I mean, seriously.

485

00:22:12,079 --> 00:22:15,392

Luke, so far, hasn't beaten me in basketball.

486

00:22:15,416 --> 00:22:17,686

It's 2-0. 2-0. Okay. Okay.

487

00:22:20,004 --> 00:22:23,192

Get that weak stuff out of my kitchen! Dad, stop it!

488

00:22:23,216 --> 00:22:25,319

Can you do me a favor? Just grab-

489

00:22:25,343 --> 00:22:27,863

Ooh! How's the weather down there?

490

00:22:27,887 --> 00:22:30,365

But when the day comes that he does win-

491

00:22:30,389 --> 00:22:34,620

if- you know- if/when- he beats me, I'm just gonna be like,

492

00:22:34,644 --> 00:22:36,663

"Well done. Well done."

493

00:22:36,687 --> 00:22:40,667

Just, like, let him- Just support him... in- in- in that kind of stuff.

494

00:22:40,667 --> 00:22:50,010

I mean, I'd probably want to go, like, two out of three and just see what happens there, but-