The scene is finished. The crew dispersed. What was a tense, noisy shoot is now but a memory, only to re-appear sometime in the future on the silver screen. I know that I have participated in a significant work. Ling Huchong, Ren Yinying, Yue Buqun, et al have solemnly become symbols of a time in my life as an actress. “Smiling Across the Country” and its broadcast around the country was the subject of much talk. The den of criticisms have now died down into silence. As to me , Xu Qing? Playing the character, Ren Yinyin? I should say, to be Ren Yinyin was to be Xu Qing. What I mean is that I appreciated and sympathized. I felt her nervousness and I liked it. The experience reminds me of something Li Yishan once wrote: “Zhuangzi dreamed once that he was a butterfly and to the emperor entrusted his youthful heart.” Ren Yinyin and me , was it all a dream? Or, was it real? In truth, as an actress, I acted the role of Ren Yinyin. I had made several film by then. I read “Smiling Across the Country”, as one of the most powerful works of the author Jin Yong and then I re-read it. I liked it, I really did. As I read it, it captured my imagination. I never imagined that my skills as an actress might one day be associated with Ren Yinyin. To disappear into the country, whether it was the flash of her sword, the complexity of her smile, the romance of her private liaisons, she left the viewer astounded. The emptiness of my name before me and the loneliness of my life behind me, I tried to utilize my limited life experience to make her come alive. My limited experience was perhaps what perhaps what made the role such a challenge…. I was enthralled by Ren Yinyin’s aesthetic tolerance, she lived life in reverse: From the sacred grandmother to the Ren Yinyin who shared the happiness and sorrows of the throne and then to the Ling Huchong. While most women decry the passing of their loneliness, Ren Yinyin turned everything around and received youthful innocence, a return to nature, a return to love. Even if Ling Huchong was not perfect by any means, nor very accomplished, she was a good woman and could be more moving! I don’t envy Ren Yinyin’s many stations in life, her superior skills, her martial arts. All of these things were illusions that passed with the times of the country. In my eyes, it was her skill-like complexion, her mythical eyes, her superior woman’s attitude, her refined look and dress, the warmth that she embodied that this generations has forgotten. She was the kind of woman that man dream about only occasionally. The seasons passed , and nature carried forth. All of the passions and worries that she had experienced in the countryside slipped through her silky fingers like mist dissipating in the morning. She chose to retire from it all to become Ling Huchong, an average woman living an average life and in this way pass the remainder of her life. It was with this even mindset, combined with the power of her love for the everyday that Ren Yinying was able to break the cycle of fear, authority, suspicion and sorrow, to go against the fate of so many women like her, to accept a man, love a man, love the things that a man loved in a way that showed her true aesthetic temperament. It was just such an aesthetic temperament that allowed her to challenge fate and choose to be made complete by her giving and her willingness to be grateful. Among so many determined people, she played the part of a beautiful heroine and found the love of a man and woman. And, in doing so, she made the everyday person in the audience reflect and regret… I eventually found the many almost dreamlike mindscapes of Ren Yinyin as we shot the series on a tight schedule, I eventually came to sense her. She was indeed a beauty, but this had nothing to do with age. She really existed and yet she is timeless. Can I be the Ren Yinyin in my heart? And so it is that when I’m at peace or when I’m aroused with passion, I can feel the heart of Ren Yinyin beating within…. To all the Yinyin’s out there now, I say no more. I am grateful to Mr Jin Yong, the director the producer and the cast and crew. As the year 2000 passes, as I have been baptized by the purity and humanity of “Smiling Across the Country,” I have achieved the spiritual changes to which so many women aspire.
November 12,2000
Xuqing
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40부작 시리즈 소오강호에서 여주인공 임영영을 연기한 Xu-qing(허청)의 편지
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① NFT 발행
작성한 게시물을 NFT로 발행하면 일주일 동안 사용할 수 있습니다. (최초 1회)
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다른 이용자의 NFT를 구매하면 한 달 동안 사용할 수 있습니다. (구매 시마다 갱신)
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디시콘에서지갑연결시 바로 사용 가능합니다.