COLD OPEN

EXT. ST. PATRICK\'S CATHEDRAL - EARLY MORNING

The camera moves down the stately spires of the Church, heads toward the front door.

GOSSIP GIRL: (V.O.) According to the Catholic Church, mortal sin can only be absolved through the sacred act of Confession...

INT. ST. PATRICK\'S CATHEDRAL - CONTINUOUS

The camera glides past a row of pews toward the altar, floats toward the confessionals.

GOSSIP GIRL: But looks like a certain WASP Princess has recently found herself desperately in need of a little unburdening, and who is The Man Upstairs to discriminate...?

And then we hear --

BLAIR: (V.O.) Forgive me father, for I have sinned. It\'s been... a long time since my last confession.

INT. ST. PATRICK\'S CATHEDRAL - CONFESSIONAL - CONTINUOUS

Inside the curtain we find Blair kneeling, facing the privacy screen, speaking to a Priest.

PRIEST: What troubles you, my child?

INT. CHUCK\'S LIMO - NIGHT - FLASHBACK

QUICK CUTS OF: Pure teen lust -- Blair and Chuck groping each other. On one seat of the limo, then another; on the floor; Blair on top; Chuck on top (from end of episode 1.07). ㅡ> 정말 대책없다!!! ㅡㅡ;

BACK TO CONFESSION

Blair spills forth in a torrent.

BLAIR: After being broken up with my boyfriend for exactly twenty minutes, I succumbed to inebriation, performed at a speakeasy, and compromised my virtue... with a self-absorbed ass! (beat) The only good news is that Chuck\'s a shallow playboy who\'ll act like it never happened, thank God!

The Priest coughs.

BLAIR: Sorry. (then) Well, that\'s it, really. Thanks for listening. Guess I\'m ready for my punishment.

PRIEST: Penance.

BLAIR: Right. What d\'you got for me? Flogging? Fasting? Do I have to put that thing with the teeth around my thigh, like Silas --

PRIEST: (onto her) How about some food for thought, instead? Don\'t drink, keep your clothes on, and try avoiding those who might cause you to stray.

BLAIR: Oh, I plan to. (genuine) Thank you, Father. That\'s good advice.

Blair goes to exit, then turns back.

BLAIR: You don\'t grant birthday wishes, do you?

PRIEST: I\'m a Priest, not a genie.

*

BLAIR: And I don\'t think your best friend would still be your best friend if he knew --

CHUCK: How much I enjoyed the removal of a certain chastity belt in the back of this very limo?

BLAIR: (ears burning) From this moment on, the events of last night will never be spoken of again. Is that clear?

CHUCK: Not as clear as the memory of you purring in my ear... Which I have been replaying over and over.

BLAIR: Well, erase the tape. Because as far as I\'m concerned? It never happened.

Her best glare is not able to wipe the smile off his face. He drives off with a wave, leaving her steaming.

INT. COMMUNI-TEA (DINER) - MORNING

Serena and Dan sit in a booth. Making out. Between kisses:

SERENA: Gotta say --

DAN: -- [?] need to say anything --

SERENA: -- this is better than pancakes --

DAN: -- and I know you like pancakes --

REVEAL -- a waitress. Brooklynite forever. Not amused.

WAITRESS: I like pancakes, too. Does that mean I should order you some now?

Dan and Serena realize they\'re busted. Turn.

DAN: Um -- not sure --

SERENA: Yeah -- we could use another minute --

DAN: Or two. Maybe five.

WAITRESS: How about twenty. Hasta.

The waitress peels off. Laughing, Dan and Serena return to their making out. The waitress passes another waitress -- her back turned to us, as she ties on her apron.

WAITRESS: God, I hate people in love.

The second waitress turns, reveals it\'s... Vanessa. She looks to the couple in question. Sees who it is.

VANESSA: Wow. Awkward.

Dan -- mid-smooch -- sees Vanessa standing by the counter. Suddenly he stops kissing Serena.

DAN: Vanessa?

SERENA: I\'ve been called worse but --

DAN: No -- Vanessa. Here.

Vanessa isn\'t sure if she should turn away. But Dan waves. So she waves. The other waitress sees them waving.

WAITRESS: Oh -- the lovebirds ready to order?

VANESSA: I\'ll take \'em...

She crosses over. Dan and Serena untangle themselves.

VANESSA: Hi.

DAN: You work here now?

*

ANNE: Nate?

He takes a breath, grabs her hand. Off Nate: Here we go.

INT. WALDORF PENTHOUSE - BLAIR\'S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS

Eleanor and Blair watch with a mix of intrigue and horror.

BLAIR: Since when does drunk and disorderly get this much attention?

TV NEWSCASTER: Archibald has denied embezzlement and obstruction charges related to millions of dollars in misappropriated funds...

ELEANOR: There\'s your answer. [can\'t read the next line]

BLAIR: Nate looks so helpless.

ELEANOR: I need to call my attorney.

BLAIR: I need to talk to Nate.

GOSSIP GIRL: (V.O.) Mrs. Waldorf better design herself a pair of thigh-high boots. Looks like she\'s in pretty deep...

Eleanor exits, as Blair texts Nate.

INT. HUMPHREY LOFT - MORNING

Rufus is in the kitchen pouring himself a cup of coffee when the front door opens. With his back to the door, Rufus says:

RUFUS: It\'s about time my long lost daughter returned to the fold.

Jenny steps into the room.

*

RUFUS: You know me, Al. I\'m a loyal guy. Once I commit to something, I stick with it.

A sharp look between them. Jenny eases the tension.

JENNY: (smiles) Great. I\'ll get the syrup...

BLAIR: (V.O.) I can\'t believe he told her you guys were going to do it!

INT. MADISON AVENUE JEWELRY STORE - DAY

Serena watches as a Salesman tries to untangle Blair\'s hair from the clasp of a necklace she\'s tried on.

SERENA: Well... I told you.

BLAIR: (to Salesman) Ow! Those hairs you\'re pulling are attached to my head.

SALESMAN: My apologies.

Salesman gets it free, heads off. Blair continues.

BLAIR: (to Serena) That\'s different. I\'m a girl.

SERENA: So is she.

BLAIR: Exactly my point.

Serena sighs, unsure about this. Looks to Blair.

SERENA: You still haven\'t told me how Nate\'s doing. I can\'t believe it\'s all over the news...